ONE YEAR HOME-GRACE AND LOVE

Who knew three boys could flip your world upside down in an instant?  Who knew three sweet, amazing boys could teach you so much and fill your life with miracles that you don't even have words to describe it all.  God knew.  And he knew how blessed our life would be.  And he knew that the journey would be a struggle.  But his Grace is enough.  Grace to heal wounds that are deep for all.  Grace for boys who are scared beyond words and behave in ways that turn your world upside down.  Grace for parents that are stuck in fear, stuck fighting the enemy.  Grace for the mistakes made. Grace that teaches hurting boys and hurting parents what love really looks like.  Because we can't love when we are hurting and broken.  And we ALL were.  But his LOVE covers all.  And his LOVE brings inner healing and JOY to hurting boys and parents who need to confront wounds from long ago.  The first year was filled with GRACE, LOVE and JOY.  God's provision because there was no way we could do it on our own.  We tried and failed.  But he picked us up every time, offered grace and loved us.  And he brought us through to the JOY moment!!  The moment where we ALL understood how to really LOVE.  Because we have taken on the spirit of adoption instead of the orphan spirit.  We have shouted with JOY that we are ALL sons and daughters of the king and we are all worthy!!  Thank you Jesus!!  

This was the hardest year of our life, but by far the most fruitful and the most amazing!!  Because God shows up when we depend totally on him for everything.  God shows up in our most broken desperate moments.  And he wraps us in his unfailing love and walks through the valleys with us.  And brings us to the mountaintop and opens our eyes so we can SEE!!  So we can SEE who HE really is and how deep his love is.  We love these boys with all of our hearts and all 5 of us original Bruening's are beyond blessed by three boys from the Congo.  And LOVE and JOY abound in our home and we are forever blessed and thankful for God's provision of GRACE and LOVE.  

Who knew opening your heart to God's will could bless you so fully, could produce miracles beyond measure and could bless you with unspeakable joy?

GOD KNEW.  And I am so thankful we said yes to his call for our life.  Forever changed and bountifully BLESSED!

A prayer for adoption in 2014

 I don't really WANT to blog.  I would rather just stay silent.  I don't really want the entire internet to know my heart, my story, what is going on in my life.  That makes me too vulnerable.  But God.....he wraps me in his arms and says it is ok to be vulnerable, he will protect me, and I feel the need to FIGHT for adoption and what it is these days.  And to be in constant prayer over it.  My heart for adoption in 2014:

Adoption is not a thing

Adoption is not a fad

Adoption is not a choice we make because we want a colored baby

Adoption is not closing our eyes to corruption because we feel like we need to rescue a child

Adoption is God's heart

Adoption is opening our eyes to the reality of how we can best be of help to the children and sometimes that means that ADOPTION is NOT the best option for children

Adoption is just a word, a word that is overused, that has become wordly and negative

Adoption is God's heart because adoption is caring for the least of these, the widow, the  fatherless, the poor

Adoption is about really truly listening to God, hearing his heart through prayer and scripture

Adoption is praying for wisdom in how to care for the children without parents, who have special needs, who are older, who are siblings and are many, who NEED a family

Adoption is asking God what we are supposed to do for these children, what is the best option, do we sponsor them, do we bring them into our family, do we help others bring them into their family

Adoption is begging God for wisdom and a piece of his heart to know the HONEST and TRUE answers about caring for the poor, the widow, the orphan

Adoption is an action that covers so much more than just bringing a child into your family, it is also caring for the widow, the poor, it is giving grace to the cultural stigmas that won't allow families to keep their children

Adoption IS living the gospel out loud

Adoption has become romanticized, wildly popular and has a BAD name these days

That is NOT God's heart

His word clearly states to care for the least of these

It is the WORLD that has corrupted GOD's way

We need to have open eyes and hearts as we work to care for the poor, the widow, the orphan

Let us not enter into corruption but research and pray for wisdom

Let us not say we are NOT going to adopt because of the things adoption has become

Let us study the scriptures and pray and pray and pray that he would show us CLEARLY his heart for the orphan, for these children

Let's not give up because that is what SATAN wants

It needs to be ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

We are called to make it that way

With peace, joy, love, grace, kindness, wisdom, and a fighting heart

A heart that fights to bring God's kingdom to EARTH

ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

That is my prayer for 2014

The Story of Jesus-Matt and Vicki Style

*****Disclaimer:  This is our PERSONAL story.  I am not casting out judgement on other's lives.  Just using our experience to tell OUR story.******

This should have been the very first post I ever wrote on my blog.  I felt like it was time to share our personal journey.  Matt and I started dating in highschool.  We have been together 17 years and we are only 33 years old.  We always joke about this.  Being together over half of our lives.  It is a sweet thing!  We had lots of fun in high school.  There were many drunken parties and well nothing else, just lots of drinking and partying.  It was fun, I ain't gonna lie to ya.  Then I went to college and Matt and I hung out on the weekends.  The partying continued as we would go to bars with our older friend who bought beer for us.  Again, good times and sweet memories.  Matt and I got married in 2002 and we lived life to the fullest.  We bought new cars, hung out with friends, had a nice house, went shopping, went to parties, lived the American dream.  We went to Catholic Church every once in a while.  While we were doing this my sister had moved to Des Moines and had started going to church and falling in love with Jesus.  Whenever she would come home she would tell us about books she was reading, activities she was involved with.  We could tell her life had changed.  But we didn't want none of it.  Blah, blah blah.  Jesus stuff, whatever.  But she continued on.  And slowly I started reading some of the books she mentioned.  But still, hardcore for Jesus, no way.  In fact I was very bitter about her constant joyfullness and her no worries attitude.  I didn't get it.  I didn't understand passages like this:
"For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do-living in debauchery, lust, drunkeness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry."  1Peter Ch 4 vs 3

We were living for ourselves, solving our own problems, making our own way.  And we were doing well.  We had a good business, nice stuff, why did we need Jesus.  I remember one day I was on my way to a doctor appointment and I was praying.  I clearly remember my prayer being one of asking God why I was so blessed and what was I supposed to do about it.  I remember fervently praying because I felt an emptiness inside.  Like I had so much goodness but yet I wasn't fulfilled.  His answer was very clear, you see I was on my way to a doctor appointment because I was 16 weeks pregnant.  I had been pregnant right before this and miscarried.  So this was a hopeful thankful wonderful pregnancy.  I got to the doctor and found out the baby had died.  His answer to my prayer, DEPEND ON ME!!  YOU NEED ME TO FILL YOU!!  Not stuff, not parties, not your husband, not your job, just ME.  This happened in November, this holy spirit conviction stuff and then in February we stepped foot in our church.  And guess what 2 months later I was pregnant with my Mayzie.  God is alive, God is real, God is working!!  We started going to church and experiencing Jesus in new ways.  We started living differently.  Our lives were wrecked for Jesus.   He had gotten into our hearts!  We got very involved with everything in the church.  We were soaking up all we could. We got baptized in July and gave our lives to the one who gave his life for us.   And well, the rest is history.  It is the transforming work of the spirit.  We started to read the bible, pray, and attend church regularly.  We started to understand how Jesus gave his life for us, how he died on the cross for us to take away our sins and how this was far more important than just praying a prayer but that it required us to be ALL IN for Jesus.  And we were done, wrecked for Jesus!!  And so that led to plans for adoption and eventually 3 new kiddos in our home!  I have to say that our whole journey was in part decisions we made but mostly it was God's spirit working in us.  He works in all of us even when we don't know it.  He was working in Matt and I and we had no clue.  He is always working.  Always.  And we are SO glad that Jesus wrecked our life.  We are amazingly blessed.  We have passion, joy, faith and hope that fills us up in ways nothing else can.  We love Jesus-Matt and Vicki Style!!

Do you call yourself a Christian???

This is my heart the last four months since we have arrived home from Africa.  I can hardly stand to live here in the US in such abundance. I can barely breathe because I know the needs of the poor and the orphans, I have seen it, I live it daily with my boys, yet the selfishness of this country and of the " church" makes it hard to breathe. How can we say we love Jesus if we let a child die every 30 seconds of malaria, an easily preventable disease? How can we let there be millions of orphans?  My heart says that going to church every Sunday, praying a prayer to be saved, getting baptized and reading your bible every so often is not enough. I think Jesus describes that as being lukewarm.
"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold or hot. I wish you were either one or the other. So because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say I am rich, I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.  But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes so you can see." Revelation 3 15-18. My favorite part is the salve on the eyes. When you can see your life changes!!! When you see you cannot close your eyes to the poor, the orphan, the widow. I pray that more eyes would be opened, that more people would live their lives in reckless abandon to Jesus. So if being a Christian is all about getting dressed up to go to Church, driving my fancy car their, giving tons of money so my Church can have bigger and better music, bible studies, and buildings then I don't want to be a Christian. I want to be a FOLLOWER of JESUS. I truly believe in my heart that Jesus calls us to give it all for him. To give it all serving the poor, the widow, the orphan and preaching his name boldly. We are called to make disciples and love the least of these not to live selfishly in our pretty "churches." It is hard to breathe when 20% kids in the DRC do not make it to their 5th birthday. It is hard to breathe when most of the world struggles to stay alive and we are so worried about getting everything perfectly perfect that we fail to get out of ourselves and see the bigger picture. I want to be a follower of Christ who serves him with ALL of myself. I do not want to be lukewarm. I want to be ALL in. And I pray everyday that more and more people would adopt, sacrifice for the poor and go to the ends of the earth to make disciples. That they would make the radical decision to live sacrificially for our God. Because I look at the faces of three sweet boys every day and I see Jesus and I have to keep fighting!!! I don't want to be swept up in the cares of this world but to be swept up in serving Jesus with ALL I have. I want to breathe easy because people's bellies are full, there are no more orphans and everyone has heard the name of Jesus. Until that day I will keep fighting with everything I have!!

Give Your Life Away

When we started our adoption journey we had some family members who thought we were crazy, we had friends who said good for you and I'm sure talked behind our backs like we were psychos.  Now that we are home we get the stare down when we go out and about.  Mostly we get good feedback but I have been places several times where people act like I don't even have three sons.  I am on Facebook all the time because that is the only place where I can connect with other families who are as crazy as we are!!  Most people just don't get it.  I am told all the time how busy I am.  And this, all of this, is all good.  And we are busy and our life is crazy but we wouldn't have it any other way.  Because Jesus wants ALL of us!  "Still another man said, I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.  Jesus replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."  
Luke 9 61-62

And then today happened.  My kids woke up at 6:30 and they were crabby and loud.  And I needed more time away from them before they woke up.  They were calling each other names and screaming and I had to fold the laundry and do the dishes and pick up the house and it was just plain annoying and overwhelming.  And I love each of them to pieces but some days I wake up and I don't feel like being around them right away, I don't feel like hugging them, I just want to send them outside, away from me.  And then Kiki, my two year old comes into the bathroom where I am trying to beautify the unbeautifiable and she throws my perfume bottle on the floor and it breaks.  And I lose it and tell her to get out and that I hate her.  Awesome mom, I know!!  Because how dare my sweet innocent 2 year old break my perfume and get glass everywhere and make me be stinky for the next week and a half because I cannot drive the hour to get more perfume cuz I have six stinkin kids!!  So I lost it.  And there was a puddle of tears and perfume on the floor as I cried out to God and told him I can't do it, he's got the wrong lady, I don't have enough love, enough patience.  And then I said it, I yelled at him and said I hate my life!!!!  I hate my life!!  How dare I scream this to our God of wonders!!  So then I was reading the book Radical for 10 minutes while I made sure Little Bill was going to sleep and I came across this verse:  "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters-yes, even their own life-such a person cannot be my disciple.  And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."  Luke 14:26-27 
And it hit me, I think I am supposed to hate my own life.  I have always known I am in God's will, even though most days it is messy and definitely not prim and proper. But this really hit me because I realized that I AM following him, I AM his disciple, even though it is not perfect.  And this really hit me because it was such a God moment.  I don't think it was coincidence that 2 hrs after I screamed those words, I read them in that book.  No, not coincidence, but God.  I love this picture, this picture of radical obedience, carrying our cross every day.  This is why we chose to do what we did, so that we would be COMPLETELY dependent on our God every single day.  So that we would in essence hate our life and carry our cross daily!!  And I am so so grateful that God showed me this.  And I am so so thankful to be living this crazy, radical, messy life.  We will probably be making more radical choices as we live in obedience to the most amazing God EVER and we will most likely get told it's not a good idea.  People will not approve.  But I think it is clear that this is what Jesus wants from us, ALL of us, our WHOLE life.  And we love it and we will live no other way than in RADICAL obedience to our Heavenly Father!!

WILL YOU?

This is a blog post I have not wanted to write.  Because so many other amazing adoptive mamas have written something similar and have done it so much better than I ever could.  Because sometimes it is easier to leave well enough alone.  But today I decided I will not be at peace until I ask for help, until I advocate for all of the orphans who NEED YOU!!!!  I have the privilege to view waiting children, children in the DRC, children in China, children in Eastern Europe.  I have the most amazing blessing of caring for three incredible boys who were once on a waiting child page.  And there are far more "waiting children" than there seem to be willing parents.  And this is a tragedy.  Adoption is hard, adoption is messy.  You have to be knowledgeable to fight the good fight against corruption and to heal the brokenness of these children.  But just because it is hard and just because there is corruption does not mean that it is ok for us to stop fighting for these children.  There are countless number of children in DRC who have lost parents to disease or war who desperately need a family.  There are countless number of children in China who have a minor medical need who desperately need a family.  There are countless number of children in Eastern Europe who WAIT endlessly for a forever family.  We HAVE to fight for these children.  God asks us to fight for these children.  He doesn't say when it is convenient for you, when your children are the perfect ages, when you have your finances completely under control, when you have the big house, when your life is perfectly perfect, then take care of the orphan.  He simply asks us to care for the widow and the orphan in their distress.  And in the same verse he asks us to keep oneself polluted from the world.  I can testify that it is much easier to keep yourself free from worldly things when you are taking care of the orphan and the widow.  Your focus completely changes when you hold that orphan in your arms.  I believe it is true that not all of us are called to adopt.  Matt and I couldn't do this journey without the amazing people who have walked beside us helping us financially, with clothing, making meals and watching our kids.  We all need the supporters who are loving the orphan as they walk beside us on our journey.  So while we are not ALL called to adopt my heart says that NOT ENOUGH of us are answering the call.  There are too many children with solemn faces on those waiting children pages and they need families.  As my boys tell me in their broken English that they were saying Mommy come on, Daddy come on, my heart breaks.  They were waiting in the orphanage for a family, they wanted a family SO badly.  I think more than food, more than toys, more than their own bed, they just wanted a family.  SO WILL YOU, CAN YOU, PLEASE BE A FAMILY FOR A CHILD WHO NEEDS YOU?  I can personally guarantee you that the exhaustion, the challenges, the craziness will be more than worth it.  It is truly the most amazing blessing EVER. 

BLESSED

So my posts the last couple of months have been a little depressing, dark, maybe a bit scary!! Ha!  It is just the messiness of adoption and life.  We are ALL GOOD!!  But today I wanted to share blessings.  So many blessings on this journey.  We are blessed to walk this journey of obedience with our Heavenly Father and watch him shape and change our family.  We are blessed to fight for these boys, to work through ALL of the facets of adoption and to learn and grow in HUGE ways.  Please read the most amazing post about international adoption and fighting for the orphan by my dear adoptive mama friend (May 23 post)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/472323296124446/

We are blessed as we work through the boys' pasts and come to understand what life is like in another country.  We are blessed as we realize we cannot take for granted all that we have.  We are blessed as we realize we have a GREAT responsibility to do more in this life.  To do more for the orphan, for the widow, for the poor in this world.  We have SO SO much and the best thing we can do is to give our life away, give it away to help the least of these, the ones God loves.  We are blessed as we learn that our sweet boys have been through more in their short little lives than we can even fathom.  We are blessed because it helps us focus on what really matters in this life.  We ask God to heal hurts, to help us process, to help us understand.  I read a quote somewhere that said that you do not really care about the orphan when you just see a picture or some facts, but when you hold that orphan in your arms EVERYTHING CHANGES!!  Yes!  We are so so blessed to hold these children in our arms everyday.  

We are blessed because our hearts are broken for the things that break God's heart.  For our boys and for all the children in the DRC.

I found a ministry that does amazing work in the DRC.  Read the stories of these children here:

http://www.mercysreach.blogspot.com/p/the-children.html

Let your heart be broken for what breaks God's heart.  Read these stories. These kids need sponsors, they need food and an education.  Please consider sponsorship.

Our life is a blessing, every moment, every day.  God walks beside us every second.  Our relationship with him is deep.  Our praises to him are huge.  We are blessed because I cannot imagine for a single second not having these boys in our life.  I cannot imagine for a single second not having my SIX beautiful babies in my life.  Adoption may be messy and a bit scary at times, but it is the biggest BLESSING we have ever received.  Thank you Jesus for blessing us!!!


    Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good    things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

     The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all the oppressed.

      He made known his ways to Moses,
    his deeds to the people of Israel: The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

 As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children with those who keep his covenant
    and remember to obey his precepts.

 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the Lord, you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his bidding,
    who obey his word. Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
    you his servants who do his will. Praise the Lord, all his works 

    everywhere in his dominion.

    Praise the Lord, my soul.

         Psalm 103