When we started our adoption journey we had some family members who thought we were crazy, we had friends who said good for you and I'm sure talked behind our backs like we were psychos. Now that we are home we get the stare down when we go out and about. Mostly we get good feedback but I have been places several times where people act like I don't even have three sons. I am on Facebook all the time because that is the only place where I can connect with other families who are as crazy as we are!! Most people just don't get it. I am told all the time how busy I am. And this, all of this, is all good. And we are busy and our life is crazy but we wouldn't have it any other way. Because Jesus wants ALL of us! "Still another man said, I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family. Jesus replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
Luke 9 61-62
And then today happened. My kids woke up at 6:30 and they were crabby and loud. And I needed more time away from them before they woke up. They were calling each other names and screaming and I had to fold the laundry and do the dishes and pick up the house and it was just plain annoying and overwhelming. And I love each of them to pieces but some days I wake up and I don't feel like being around them right away, I don't feel like hugging them, I just want to send them outside, away from me. And then Kiki, my two year old comes into the bathroom where I am trying to beautify the unbeautifiable and she throws my perfume bottle on the floor and it breaks. And I lose it and tell her to get out and that I hate her. Awesome mom, I know!! Because how dare my sweet innocent 2 year old break my perfume and get glass everywhere and make me be stinky for the next week and a half because I cannot drive the hour to get more perfume cuz I have six stinkin kids!! So I lost it. And there was a puddle of tears and perfume on the floor as I cried out to God and told him I can't do it, he's got the wrong lady, I don't have enough love, enough patience. And then I said it, I yelled at him and said I hate my life!!!! I hate my life!! How dare I scream this to our God of wonders!! So then I was reading the book Radical for 10 minutes while I made sure Little Bill was going to sleep and I came across this verse: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters-yes, even their own life-such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26-27
And it hit me, I think I am supposed to hate my own life. I have always known I am in God's will, even though most days it is messy and definitely not prim and proper. But this really hit me because I realized that I AM following him, I AM his disciple, even though it is not perfect. And this really hit me because it was such a God moment. I don't think it was coincidence that 2 hrs after I screamed those words, I read them in that book. No, not coincidence, but God. I love this picture, this picture of radical obedience, carrying our cross every day. This is why we chose to do what we did, so that we would be COMPLETELY dependent on our God every single day. So that we would in essence hate our life and carry our cross daily!! And I am so so grateful that God showed me this. And I am so so thankful to be living this crazy, radical, messy life. We will probably be making more radical choices as we live in obedience to the most amazing God EVER and we will most likely get told it's not a good idea. People will not approve. But I think it is clear that this is what Jesus wants from us, ALL of us, our WHOLE life. And we love it and we will live no other way than in RADICAL obedience to our Heavenly Father!!
Sunday, June 9, 2013
This is a blog post I have not wanted to write. Because so many other amazing adoptive mamas have written something similar and have done it so much better than I ever could. Because sometimes it is easier to leave well enough alone. But today I decided I will not be at peace until I ask for help, until I advocate for all of the orphans who NEED YOU!!!! I have the privilege to view waiting children, children in the DRC, children in China, children in Eastern Europe. I have the most amazing blessing of caring for three incredible boys who were once on a waiting child page. And there are far more "waiting children" than there seem to be willing parents. And this is a tragedy. Adoption is hard, adoption is messy. You have to be knowledgeable to fight the good fight against corruption and to heal the brokenness of these children. But just because it is hard and just because there is corruption does not mean that it is ok for us to stop fighting for these children. There are countless number of children in DRC who have lost parents to disease or war who desperately need a family. There are countless number of children in China who have a minor medical need who desperately need a family. There are countless number of children in Eastern Europe who WAIT endlessly for a forever family. We HAVE to fight for these children. God asks us to fight for these children. He doesn't say when it is convenient for you, when your children are the perfect ages, when you have your finances completely under control, when you have the big house, when your life is perfectly perfect, then take care of the orphan. He simply asks us to care for the widow and the orphan in their distress. And in the same verse he asks us to keep oneself polluted from the world. I can testify that it is much easier to keep yourself free from worldly things when you are taking care of the orphan and the widow. Your focus completely changes when you hold that orphan in your arms. I believe it is true that not all of us are called to adopt. Matt and I couldn't do this journey without the amazing people who have walked beside us helping us financially, with clothing, making meals and watching our kids. We all need the supporters who are loving the orphan as they walk beside us on our journey. So while we are not ALL called to adopt my heart says that NOT ENOUGH of us are answering the call. There are too many children with solemn faces on those waiting children pages and they need families. As my boys tell me in their broken English that they were saying Mommy come on, Daddy come on, my heart breaks. They were waiting in the orphanage for a family, they wanted a family SO badly. I think more than food, more than toys, more than their own bed, they just wanted a family. SO WILL YOU, CAN YOU, PLEASE BE A FAMILY FOR A CHILD WHO NEEDS YOU? I can personally guarantee you that the exhaustion, the challenges, the craziness will be more than worth it. It is truly the most amazing blessing EVER.