While I'm Waiting

God has put this song on my heart this past week to guide me while I wait.  My prayer is that I will serve him well, worship well and most important that I will not fade.  Because this God we serve and worship is worthy and amazing and incredible.  I am so thankful for his ever present guidance and love.  We are still waiting to hear that we have received written judgement.  Without this signature our adoption process cannot move forward.  But I am confident that we will hear something soon, in God's perfect timing.  And while the waiting is painful and not easy, I plan to serve and worship and love well!!

Honesty

So today was a yucky adoption crazies day for this mama.  I am having a difficult time with all of the waiting.  We still have not received our written judgement and I found out that our 30 day wait will not start until a couple of weeks after our written judgement.  It is not until after the 30 day wait that we can breathe a sigh of relief knowing these are truly our kids.  So I prayed and I was mad at God and I wanted answers and I wanted to run, run far away from this adoption process.  Not because I don't love God and desire to live for Him, not because I don't love our boys, not because I don't love adoption.  But because it is too hard.  It is too challenging.  I want to do it my way, make it go faster, get my boys now!  Because I am selfish.  And as I think that it may be January, or it could be February, or it may be March before we can go them I just want to scream.  Scream at God to make it go faster, let me get my boys sooner.  If this is your will, why can't you move mountains and make it happen NOW!  But as I pray and read His word and listen to songs and read others words of wisdom I am gently but firmly reminded of Isaiah 55, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  It is not up to me.  I hear him saying are you going to follow me, are you going to allow me to get you through this, are you going to let me make you stronger?  You see I cannot try to do this thing that he has called me to with my own ways.  This challenge he has called me to is not for me to try to do on my own or for me to step in and change it or push it.  It is all about me relying solely and completely on HIM.  Instead of trying to do it my own way I have come to realize that I need to surrender.  Surrender in prayer and reading his word and learning more about who my amazing God is, allowing him to shape me.  And what is so awesome is that now at the end of my day, I am totally at peace.  At peace with just surrendering and allowing God the control.  And waiting well while he comforts me and changes me.  And I am renewed and refreshed and hopeful that our story draws others closer to Jesus.  And hopeful that others make the choice to open their hearts to adoption.  To a journey that is difficult but so amazingly wonderful in so many ways.  I feel blessed and honored and humbled everyday that God has chosen us to serve him in this way!

Praise

Praise and thankfulness are what I have been feeling lately.  Praise to an amazing God who answers my prayers even when I have given up.  He is quietly whispering that he's in control and it is his timing, but oh how I want it when I want it.  But his ways are greater than ours and he is faithful!  We received verbal approval that we passed court in the DRC on Friday.  Yeah!! We should be receiving word that the judge has actually signed off on the case on Wednesday, so I will update again when I have more information.  God is moving and blessing and my heart is so full and so thankful.  We are going to meet with a family who grew up in the Congo this month.  This is an answer to prayer as I desire to know more about the Congolese culture and how we can continue to be a blessing to the Congolese people.  There is no better way to learn than to talk to a family firsthand.  Thank you God!  Orphan Sunday is coming up and it will be a great time of celebrating God's goodness in our adoption journey and what he is doing around the world as we seek to care for orphans.  He is amazing and I am humbled by his goodness.  I am enjoying this journey, this journey of learning, this journey of change, this journey of drawing nearer to my Heavenly Father.  We are taking everything a step at a time and excitement is growing as we get closer and closer to bringing our boys home.  What a joyous day that will be!