Peace

I have decided to write again.  I used to spend a lot of time at my Grandma Wendl's writing stories.  It is something I love.  I also learned a lot about cleaning from my Grandma Wendl.  And if you know me you know I like to clean. Ha!  I cherish those memories of my sweet Grandma.  So an update on our adoption process.  We had our successful embassy appointment on February 4th.  And now we wait.  The US Embassy in the Congo is going through some changes, good changes, but changes that may push back our timeline by a couple of weeks.  And the DGM office is taking longer to issue exit letters so our timeline gets pushed back by another week because of that.  3-4 weeks, not a big deal in the overall realm of adoption, but a HUGE deal to a waiting mama!  These last weeks have by far been the most difficult.  As I learn that we have to wait longer I just want to scream!  I am so tired of this process and so ready for my boys to be home.  And so I yell at God and I get mad and I ask him why is this taking so long when this is his will for us.  And I cry, A LOT.  And I am mean mommy and an awful wife.  Sometimes I can't pray because I am so sad.  I am so thankful that my wonderful husband prays when I just can't.  I am so thankful that we have so many friends who pray for us and lift us up even when I can't.  I have learned to pray through the tears and ask God for strength that I do not have.  To ask him to show me why this is happening, what is he doing?  And so in the last week when I found out we would for sure be delayed another week and I would most likely miss John's 6th birthday on February 25th, I asked our mighty God to show me why he would do this.  I asked him to shine his light in this awful broken world and to get us to our sweet boys so soon.  And his peace overwhelmed me.  It overwhelmed me in a way I could not understand.
^"  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 4:7

I didn't really understand it at first and I wanted to push back against it.  I was mad and I wanted to stay mad.  But I heard him whispering that he was preparing me for what was to come.  Because apparently six kids will be a lot of work!!  And he was continuing to mold me and teach me to be completely dependent on him.  To read his word and know it so that it would be my armor when I was struggling.  I have a new passion and desire to fill myself up with him so that I am ready when I am facing the craziness and the struggles that are sure to come.  So we will wait and we will pray for quick visa issuance, we will pray that we get to bring our boys home so soon, but we will wait in peace, knowing that he is preparing us and that he is more than enough.  Thanks to a fellow DRC adoptive mama for this verse.  It has renewed and encouraged me.

^"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14

We would so value prayers over the next weeks, prayers for a quick visa issuance and prayers to prepare our hearts, our girls hearts and our boys hearts for the amazing transition that will soon be happening.